Home

I come from a home that always seemed to smell of nicotine and coffee.
You could always here discussion loud laughs and soft whispers,
Protecting little ears, from words we must not hear.

My Grammy laughing sarcastically at poppy's remark
My mother groaning annoyed looking for Freddie's favorite book,
Tearing the house apart.
My brother laughing gleefully as we play together

Sounds and memories still held close to me.

My florescent pink walls smeared with makeup taken,
The baby blue of Bubby's colored and drawn
Logos and barbies everywhere you look,
"What is clogging the heating vent?"

Punkin pie, apple pie turkey in the oven
Smells that still make me salivate
Music playing , Grammy singing
Grandpa smiling, Lighting a cigaret.

Little cries of me not yet wanting to sleep
Tic-tock-tick-tock of the pacer, my favorite lullaby
Bark-giggle-bark-giggle my alarm clock,
Telling me to rise and play.

It was fun to run down the bully of a side walk
The ever changing levels making me stumble and trip.
Skinned knees, scratched hands,
Salty tears and soft smiles.

That side walk where i waited for the bus,
Argued i was sick, saying no need to attend school
Where i would meet up with the twins,
On my way to school, what a drag

And how big it was! The house seemed so larg!
The stairs seemed to lead to a tower,
And the basement was our musty dungeon
And Boco our Labrador was the dragon.
But now?

The house is silent, i do my homework,
Boco is gone, Oger is here, not my boco
The halls are cramped and small

No dolls no legos no music,
No books, no pie,
No cigarettes and no Tick tock
Just silence, Sometimes blissful,
Sometimes eerie.

Memories of the past fallow me,
As I travel up and down the small stairs,
down to the basement to do laundry,
Into my backyard to pull a weed

Voices of the past lead me to smile,
To believe in so much more
A picture or two, maybe a necklace
A ring, a picture, a pocket knife
being asked to make the pie,

It makes the silence bearable,
Less frightening, less to myself,
That is where I come from, and where I am,
All my past and all of me
And All i can ever hope to be.